This morning I woke to a pair of cool journal/notebooks wrapped in bows with a fist full of fountain pens cinched atop. I was still in a dream state, and ready to piss. I picked up the bundle and realized it was a gift, as I opened the lid and completed my first morning task… The task of dehydration. I laughed to myself, aware of the irony, upon waking. I go through notebooks like toilet paper. I got ready, brewed a pot of piss producing brew and went on to play my church gig. I played a mean set… Hand picked by the praise leader to be very masculine. I wiped my guitar strings and headed to evacuate said caffeinated beverage. While in the bathroom, I noticed what appeared to be a juicy zit on the tip of my nose. I leaned over the sink basin and examined my oily complexion in the mirror. Upon exit of the lavatory I saw my beautiful wife, holding my fat and active little boy. I flirted with her, most obviously. As I dismissed myself back into the service with a causal, winking countenance, My love said, “EEooooohhh.” I saw her gaze fixed on my crotch. I looked down and saw the wreckage; a dark and glossy spot in the crease of the crotch of my pant, sprawling down the right leg. I laughed it off and hurried into the sanctuary, finally proud of wearing a man-purse in public. I loosely covered my seemingly soiled garment, as to allow air flow and erase the embarrassing stain while the pastor painted a picture of heaven on earth… A heaven I would never know as a pants pissing sinner.

Later on, I poured myself a tall glass of sparkling water, brimming with ice in a beer glass. I sat down to check for digital sentiments, left to me via digital book of face. I clinched the icy beverage between my thighs to free my hands for typing. My lover came through and we went outside so that I could smoke and she, allow the dog to expel it’s various wastes. As I stood, leash in hand, I felt a cool breeze between my legs… A cold and evaporatory sensation that could only be described as moisture. I looked down and saw the obligatory mark. The incontinent signature that needs not explanation; and yet, I felt an immediate need to explain…       

In summation, I had a day filled with wonder. A day that embodied my ideals of simple perfection. And yet, it was a day; spent in pee pants. 

I think this sort of thing is exactly the reason that the American Government was formed in the first place. If an enormous corporation, upon which, we as a nation financially depend, were to make a blunder of this magnitude, what can be done to repair the error? Money doesn’t restore life. Apologies won’t feed a fisherman’s family. What are the widespread benefits in drilling off shore? We, Americans, below a certain income bracket, only bare the brunt of the snafu, but hardly ever receive the spoils of America’s victories. Therefore, a victory for America lands squarely in your pocket, while we all shoulder the failures of the rich and powerful. America is becoming a pyramid scheme.